Looking Back Whilst Facing Forward

I've never been one for celebrating New Year's Eve. I tend to find my thoughts creeping backwards, trawling over the past, and I'd much rather be looking forward in anticipation of new experiences to come.

But being the end of a decade, I allowed myself to briefly reminisce. I could hardly believe ten years had slipped by so quickly. Time sure seems to go quicker the older I get!

A decade ago I was in a very bad place, the lowest point in my life, so best not to dwell on it too much. I'm just incredibly happy to be where I am at this point in time. But it does feel good to see how far I've come and acknowledge all that is good in my life. Recounting lessons learned also acts as a gentle reminder to keep me focused and feeling positive.

Horrible as the beginning of the last decade was, I wouldn't wish to change anything about it, except maybe how I handled it, because my reaction affected those closest to me. But events helped shape me into the person I am today, and I am a lot happier with myself these days; less angry, less selfish and more compassionate towards others, with I hope, a willingness to try to understand people and their behaviour, even when it impacts negatively on me. I don't have to accept what they say or do, so long as I strive to understand where they are coming from.

What I can do is to chose how I respond, if at all. Forgiveness and letting go keeps me moving forward, resentment and hanging on keeps me in the past, and ultimately hurts me more. Understanding removes much of the fear and anxiety. Acknowledging and owning responsibility for any part I may have played is also imperative, because often our behaviour has some bearing on the behaviour of others. I can't change their behaviour, but I sure can change mine!

So here we are, at the beginning of another year/decade. The past 12 months have been interesting and rewarding. I reached a milestone in turning 50 and wanted to do something to mark the occasion. I also needed to get back in touch with my creative side, so I started selling my jewellery on Etsy.

The experience has been immensely enjoyable, if not profitable. It has led me down so many avenues, each one a new learning experience. I feel so much richer (or poorer - depending how you look at it) and more rounded as a person (that'll be the cake)!

Etsy is definitely THE best thing that happened to me this past year! I've had my wobbly moments (not cake induced wobbles...or wine for that matter)... although there's been plenty of those... rather the wobbles that shake your confidence. But that happens when you try to run before you can walk. I'm going to take 2010 at a steady pace and look forward to seeing where it takes me, and what I can learn along the way.

Happy New Year! xx

Creature of Habit

Carrying on from my "Oh what a beautiful Day" post... it hasn't escaped my attention, and no doubt all of those who know me, that I am very much a creature of habit! I am very fortunate in that I have the freedom... if not the money, nor the energy, to do pretty much as I please with my days. Yet they rarely vary much from day to day. Health problems (fatigue and pain) prevents me from doing too much that's physically taxing, but that aside, there is a constant inner voice nagging me about not living life to the full... not packing in as many experiences as possible before I expire.

And yet, hand on heart, I can honestly say I love my life. I feel so incredibly content with my lot, and take enormous pleasure from simple things, such as my daily morning walk (pain allowing), reading, writing, music, creating jewellery... I'd like to say gardening, but my little patch of land is looking sadly neglected of late!

In the past, life has often felt such a struggle; family and kids... head down, trudging along on the treadmill of life, lurching from one crisis to another... and now it's simple, uncluttered, unfettered, peaceful and contented. I'm not in any particular rush to do anything... if only my inner voice would stop nagging me!

However, I am becoming increasingly irritated with one aspect of my daily routine. I love mornings, am definitely a morning person... but I hate getting going in the morning. All that palaver of showering, straightening my unruly mop of hair, applying moisturiser and just a hint of make-up to tone down my ruddy outdoor complexion. Basically I am sick and tired of looking at the same face in the mirror every single morning, tweaking it till it looks reasonably presentable... and I fear I am fighting a losing battle as the ravages of time catch up with me.

It takes me an hour before I am ready to go down for breakfast...an hour I tell you, a whole bloody hour!! I hate it, it is an hour of my day wasted, when I could be contemplating my navel instead of a face I barely recognise these days, even though I stare at it for a whole bloody hour every morning!

I put myself through this punishing routine every day before I go downstairs, because it'll more than likely be late afternoon before I go back up again. I've just been up now and realised I haven't been up there since 8 o clock this morning... not even for a wee. That's a total of 8 hours!! I must have a very strong bladder... or maybe it's the commode in the corner!

So, where is this all leading... well, I'm going to set myself a challenge to make some small changes to my routine... and who knows, tiny steps might lead to some mighty adventures!

Watch this space!