Self esteem - not to be confused with self confidence and self love... although closely related, is something we all need in varying amounts in order to feel we are doing okay. It's fed by our personal achievements, but also hinges precariously on the approval of others. A reasonably high level of self esteem provides us with a feeling of accomplishment, acceptance and self worth. A low level leaves us feeling we're of little worth, and in extreme cases, unlovable; as anyone who has ever been in an abusive relationship can testify.
Clearly some need more of this fodder than others in order to happily flourish. We've all met those self effacing, modest types who hate the spotlight, but are nonetheless content with their lot. But it's the self effacing ones who hog the spotlight; the ones who claim to suffer from low self esteem, yet appear to display a self love bordering on narcissism that intrigues me.
I know quite a few of these folk. They tend generally to be considered attractive, even beautiful individuals, who appear to adore showing off their physical beauty while protesting they are anything but. They are very hot on self promotion, their personal websites often displaying hundreds of self portrait photographs. Yet when questioned on this apparent contradiction, stress in elaborate detail how much they despise their appearance. But their behaviour belies their protestations. This can manifest itself in a variety of ways; dressing to be noticed, always striving for perfection in their physical appearance, often by a combination of extreme diets, grueling workouts and resorting to cosmetic surgery... yet they never seem satisfied with how they look, whilst displaying it for all the world to see.
Many, if not all the ones I know have suffered from an eating disorder. Perhaps they are deluding themselves, or maybe deep down they know they are physically attractive, because the compliments come thick and fast, when prompted... and their perpetual self promotion accompanied with self effacing put downs ensures a constant supply of reassuring compliments. They clearly need this reassurance to keep their levels high.
Self esteem is a fragile creature... starve it and it rapidly becomes emaciated... feed it and it thrives. There's no doubting we all need it, but why do some need it more than others? Is it constant over feeding that triggers an almost addiction like craving? There's no doubt beautiful people attract others, are generally successful and appear to lead charmed lives compared to the rest of us mortals who were less fortunate in the gene pool. So why do so many of these beautiful people feel unloved, insecure and lacking worth? Do they come to rely on the approval of others for their feelings of self worth?
Not that I'm suggesting for one minute that we shouldn't be generous with our compliments. I think most people would agree that praise fosters healthy growth far more than criticism ever did. It could be argued that we subconsciously expect more from beautiful people, or they themselves perceive that more is expected of them? Or is it that compliments were kept to a minimum because it was a given that they were beautiful, so deemed unnecessary... but clearly was necessary? We've all heard of the beautiful girl who was never asked out on dates because everyone assumed she must have a boyfriend.
I possess a high level of confidence, a fair degree of self love, and reasonable self esteem... but it hasn't always been the case. Abandoned by my mother as a baby, discriminated against by my childhood peers, a marriage devoid of affection and emotional support, and ultimate rejection for a younger more attractive model; knocked my confidence, my feelings of worth, my perception of my lovability, and fed my fear of abandonment.
My reserves all but depleted, I eventually recovered, fueled by a single comment from my childhood. I lived with my nan... we were very poor and living in an affluent neighbourhood, and because I was different (I was the one with no mum and dad), I had few friends. One day after being rejected once again by one of the neighbouring kids, I ran home and sobbed in my nan's arms. She took my face in her hands, looked me in the eye and said "they're only jealous because you're so beautiful". That one sentence must have planted itself deep inside me to carry me through, despite all the knock backs life had in store for me. Let me assure you, you would not consider me beautiful, not in the conventional sense, but I do believe I am beautiful.
Something similar happened to Dawn French (I could be her body double). When she was a young girl her dad asked her to come and sit down as he wanted to talk to her. He then proceeded to tell her how beautiful and special she was. All these years later, despite her weight gain and fading looks, she still radiates an inner confidence that translates into real beauty.
I'm sorry to disappoint those who were hoping for a conclusion... I don't have the answers. I am just curious why some people seem so contradictory in their behaviour and what they claim to feel about themselves.
But if you'd like to enlighten me, I'd be interested in your views.
Friday, 4 September 2009
Wednesday, 2 September 2009
New Necklace
I made a new necklace for my Etsy shop today... the first listing I've made for a couple of weeks. I figured it was time I got my finger out and actually made something rather than just re listing existing stock. I'm really happy with the result; a gorgeous vibrant poppy button adorns a reto styled hoop strung on a mix of red vintage glass and black seed beads.
Retro Red Poppy Pendant
Retro Red Poppy Pendant
Tuesday, 1 September 2009
Recent Sale
I was honoured last week to sell these art deco style earrings to a lovely fellow Etsian AMI
AMI also makes the most gorgeous hand crafted jewellery and very kindly blogged about her purchase Here
Here's a taste of some of AMI's beautiful work: Why not check out her shop... I'm sure you'll find plenty there to delight you!
AMI also makes the most gorgeous hand crafted jewellery and very kindly blogged about her purchase Here
Here's a taste of some of AMI's beautiful work: Why not check out her shop... I'm sure you'll find plenty there to delight you!
More Improvements
The makeover of my Etsy shop continues....
I've been working really hard at improving my photos. This is something I'm striving to perfect. But just when I feel I am happy with them, I tire of looking at them... and perhaps others feel the same? I think it's important to keep a shop fresh, not just by adding new items, but by sprucing up the display to keep the browsers interested.
I think my photography skills have come quite a way since my earliest attempts. My first attempts were awful:
But I soon started to learn about lighting and began to take them on a windowsill.
Then a lovely man, photographer JimJuris advised me to download GIMP and very generously and patiently guided me through the basics. I'm slowly learning how to use the various functions, and although I am improving, the results are still very hit and miss. But I have him to thank for getting me started, otherwise I really wouldn't have a clue about editing photos.
So after much experimenting, I improved. But I became complacent, opting for plain black or white backgrounds, an overhead shot as the main picture, and a few shots from various angles.
I was taking photos with the prospective purchaser in mind, making the pictures clear... but not very interesting. My views were low, bounce rate high, and Treasury inclusion virtually none existent!
It was the very talented artist Illusio who came to my rescue. She provided links to some excellent articles on photography, and suggested I check out other successful Etsians... the ones who always seem to be in Treasuries, and compare my photos with theirs. To do this I used a Poster Sketch; a very clever and useful tool for making Treasuries, but also ideal for making side by side comparisons of similar items.
I decided my photos looked boring, and although essentially telling the viewer everything they needed to know, it also gave them an excuse not to click on them which would effectively take them to my shop. I liken it to the jacket of a book providing a detailed synopsis and telling you how the story ends... giving you no need to turn the pages to find out!
So I decided to have a go at using props to "dress" my photos... make them more inviting! I searched the house for suitable props.. small trinket boxes and visually interesting objects, and composed an old fashioned letter on cream card in a fancy brown font to add a touch of vintage style romance! I actually enjoyed that bit... but that's the writer in me!!
Using props isn't as easy as it sounds when photographing tiny objects such as earrings, as there is the danger the prop will dominate. I'm still not entirely happy with some of my shots... too much prop showing in some, not effectively marrying the prop to the item in one or two, and terrible lighting in others. The latter hasn't been helped by the recent awful weather, so I've had to make do with a windowsill and more editing than I would have liked. I tried to construct a lightbox, but found its use far too fiddly and restrictive. I plan to re do some when the weather improves so I can take them in natural daylight, which is my preferred light source.
Here is a selection of some that I feel are OK'ish:
It's been a long, hard slog... I'd much rather be spending my time working at my bench making jewellery than taking and editing photos, but it's all a part of the learning process and hopefully improves the look of my shop. I've recently been included in some lovely Treasuries too... not sure if it's due to the new photos, or my bribes of cake that did it... but I am very grateful! :)
You can check out the rest of my photos in my shop here.
I've been working really hard at improving my photos. This is something I'm striving to perfect. But just when I feel I am happy with them, I tire of looking at them... and perhaps others feel the same? I think it's important to keep a shop fresh, not just by adding new items, but by sprucing up the display to keep the browsers interested.
I think my photography skills have come quite a way since my earliest attempts. My first attempts were awful:
But I soon started to learn about lighting and began to take them on a windowsill.
Then a lovely man, photographer JimJuris advised me to download GIMP and very generously and patiently guided me through the basics. I'm slowly learning how to use the various functions, and although I am improving, the results are still very hit and miss. But I have him to thank for getting me started, otherwise I really wouldn't have a clue about editing photos.
So after much experimenting, I improved. But I became complacent, opting for plain black or white backgrounds, an overhead shot as the main picture, and a few shots from various angles.
I was taking photos with the prospective purchaser in mind, making the pictures clear... but not very interesting. My views were low, bounce rate high, and Treasury inclusion virtually none existent!
It was the very talented artist Illusio who came to my rescue. She provided links to some excellent articles on photography, and suggested I check out other successful Etsians... the ones who always seem to be in Treasuries, and compare my photos with theirs. To do this I used a Poster Sketch; a very clever and useful tool for making Treasuries, but also ideal for making side by side comparisons of similar items.
I decided my photos looked boring, and although essentially telling the viewer everything they needed to know, it also gave them an excuse not to click on them which would effectively take them to my shop. I liken it to the jacket of a book providing a detailed synopsis and telling you how the story ends... giving you no need to turn the pages to find out!
So I decided to have a go at using props to "dress" my photos... make them more inviting! I searched the house for suitable props.. small trinket boxes and visually interesting objects, and composed an old fashioned letter on cream card in a fancy brown font to add a touch of vintage style romance! I actually enjoyed that bit... but that's the writer in me!!
Using props isn't as easy as it sounds when photographing tiny objects such as earrings, as there is the danger the prop will dominate. I'm still not entirely happy with some of my shots... too much prop showing in some, not effectively marrying the prop to the item in one or two, and terrible lighting in others. The latter hasn't been helped by the recent awful weather, so I've had to make do with a windowsill and more editing than I would have liked. I tried to construct a lightbox, but found its use far too fiddly and restrictive. I plan to re do some when the weather improves so I can take them in natural daylight, which is my preferred light source.
Here is a selection of some that I feel are OK'ish:
It's been a long, hard slog... I'd much rather be spending my time working at my bench making jewellery than taking and editing photos, but it's all a part of the learning process and hopefully improves the look of my shop. I've recently been included in some lovely Treasuries too... not sure if it's due to the new photos, or my bribes of cake that did it... but I am very grateful! :)
You can check out the rest of my photos in my shop here.
Saturday, 8 August 2009
Playing Tag
I woke up to discover I'd been tagged in the night. No, I've not got an ASBO, it was the work of Maisy 'cos I'm her new bestest friend (I told her she looked 25... it works every time!) Simply-Maisy
The price for this dubious honour includes, amongst other things... of which I will come to later: disclosing six revealing facts about myself to the worldwide web and his wife.
Hold on while I make strong black coffee and oven warmed Pain au chocolat for sustenance... and time to think!
*fills kettle and sets oven to 200°c*
5 minutes later... just waiting for my Pain Au Chocolat
10 minutes later... won't be a sec, just picking the crumbs off my shirt
12 1/2 minutes later... OK don't rush me, I'm coming!
Who's playing for time.... me never!!
OK, here we go...
Interesting facts:
1. I talk to myself. But more importantly, I answer myself too. No point in having a one way conversation, is there!
2. I met a famous writer cottaging in the country. Lovely man who invited me into his weekend retreat and gave me a signed photo. We discussed his latest work, and my creative writing classes.
3. Feeling we had forged a mutual bond, I took the liberty of sending him a piece of my writing to critique. He was very lovely about it, suggesting many ways it could be improved.
4. I remain embarrassed to this day
5. I have felt old since I was a child. Turning 50 recently, I felt I had finally come of age.
6. I've had more Internet dates than I've had hot dinners... I do eat a lot of salad!
Now for the boring bit:
The Rules of Tagging:
1. Rules may be changed at any time without notice. (I just made that up 'cos I'm a control freak). *Count that extra fact as a bonus*
2. Link to the person who tagged me *Would I dare not to?*
3. Post the rules on my blog *Doing it as we speak* (see fact No1)
4. Write six random/revealing facts about myself (see above)
5. Tag six people at the end of my post and link to them *more coffee and Pain au chocolat whilst I have a think*
6. Let each person know they've been tagged and leave a comment on their blog *This is sounding like hard work*
7. Let the Tagger know when my post is up *consider it done*
I have tagged:
1. Bigbluebed
2. Cowisland
3. Boojewels
4. MrSeb
5. Dinky-Daisy
6. AREJewellery
The price for this dubious honour includes, amongst other things... of which I will come to later: disclosing six revealing facts about myself to the worldwide web and his wife.
Hold on while I make strong black coffee and oven warmed Pain au chocolat for sustenance... and time to think!
*fills kettle and sets oven to 200°c*
5 minutes later... just waiting for my Pain Au Chocolat
10 minutes later... won't be a sec, just picking the crumbs off my shirt
12 1/2 minutes later... OK don't rush me, I'm coming!
Who's playing for time.... me never!!
OK, here we go...
Interesting facts:
1. I talk to myself. But more importantly, I answer myself too. No point in having a one way conversation, is there!
2. I met a famous writer cottaging in the country. Lovely man who invited me into his weekend retreat and gave me a signed photo. We discussed his latest work, and my creative writing classes.
3. Feeling we had forged a mutual bond, I took the liberty of sending him a piece of my writing to critique. He was very lovely about it, suggesting many ways it could be improved.
4. I remain embarrassed to this day
5. I have felt old since I was a child. Turning 50 recently, I felt I had finally come of age.
6. I've had more Internet dates than I've had hot dinners... I do eat a lot of salad!
Now for the boring bit:
The Rules of Tagging:
1. Rules may be changed at any time without notice. (I just made that up 'cos I'm a control freak). *Count that extra fact as a bonus*
2. Link to the person who tagged me *Would I dare not to?*
3. Post the rules on my blog *Doing it as we speak* (see fact No1)
4. Write six random/revealing facts about myself (see above)
5. Tag six people at the end of my post and link to them *more coffee and Pain au chocolat whilst I have a think*
6. Let each person know they've been tagged and leave a comment on their blog *This is sounding like hard work*
7. Let the Tagger know when my post is up *consider it done*
I have tagged:
1. Bigbluebed
2. Cowisland
3. Boojewels
4. MrSeb
5. Dinky-Daisy
6. AREJewellery
Thursday, 6 August 2009
Me, Bailey, the chocolate bar, and why I won't go to heaven!
Just back from a lovely walk in the local countryside. This is a daily ritual... the morning walk to ease me into the day. Many is the time I dread hauling my aching body out of bed to trudge through sticky mud. I'm an all weather walker, not like many who only get their fix of fresh air when the sun shines... although the sun did come out to play with me today!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not fanatical about health and fitness, good grief no... but there is a very good reason I put my old and knackered body through this punishing regime. I have a Labrador, and I take my dog ownership responsibilities very seriously! There's times I've been so crippled in pain I've hobbled along on crutches. But he's the love of my life and I'd do anything to make him happy! Well, when I say anything, I do have my limits... nobody gets to share my Thornton's chocolates...not even Bailey! Besides, chocolate isn't good for dogs... what a shame.
Talking of which... we were ambling along, my four legged friend and I, approaching a girl sitting on a bench, her bike propped up against it as she took a breather. Bailey's sudden enthusiasm to greet her took us both by surprise, as he rushed up alongside her, making her jump out of her skin! Then as quick as a flash, his head darted under the crossbar of the bike and his impressively long tongue flicked forward like a Chameleon's, to swipe at a chocolate bar she had put down on the bench. I mean, I ask you, who in their right mind would unwrap a chocolate bar and put it down on a smelly old bench that's had countless bottoms on sat upon it... some undoubtedly naked judging by the remoteness of the place!
Anyway, equally as quick off the mark, she grabbed it and shoved it in her pocket, as we both gushed our apologies... her, because she said chocolate was dangerous for dogs, and me, as I explained he'd licked it and she might not want to eat it afterall. But that didn't seem to bother as she clung on to it. Needless to say, Bailey wasn't at all impressed as he dived into her pocket nosefirst to try and grab it back.
On we plodded, and I detected a very autumnal feel in the air. It doesn't seem two minutes since I planted tiny spring kisses on tight new buds. This is another of my rituals... kissing virgin buds as they emerge from the tips of stark winter twigs. They hold such promise of brighter things to come, so I thank them with little kisses, after first checking no one's looking... I might be daft, but I'm not stupid!
So I was a little surprised to see that lady autumn had put in an appearance and ushered summer out the door. She'd curled the leaves and turned their tips gold and bronze...
She'd tipped the twigs with little fuzzy acorn caps...
Swept the carpet of buttercups, leaving just a few dotted here and there...
Scattered baby conkers on the ground...
Laden down the bushes with juicy ripe Winberries...
But she's a little late plumping up the Blackberries, so it'll be mid September before Bailey goes Blackberry picking...
Seriously, Bailey goes Blackberry picking every autumn. He looks so cute as he makes his way along the edge of the woods, nibbling blackberries from the brambles with his tiny front teeth. He prefers to find them himself than feed from my hand. Well he needs his five a day! He loves his fruit and veg, and has carrots, cauliflower and broccoli with his dinner and tea every day. Oh and the odd chocolate bar... if he's lucky!
I'd like to say that no living things were harmed in the making of this blog... but I can't. Once again I forgot to take my camera on our walk, so mother nature loaned me a few of her offerings to bring back home. I hate picking wild flowers, but as buttercups are freely available I took the liberty of picking one... all the other bits and bobs were found on the ground, except the winberries which were ripe for picking, oh and the fuzzy acorns, which will never mature now, so the squirrels won't have enough food and will starve to death during the cold winter months.
*Note to self: "Remember your camera next time!"
Don't get me wrong, I'm not fanatical about health and fitness, good grief no... but there is a very good reason I put my old and knackered body through this punishing regime. I have a Labrador, and I take my dog ownership responsibilities very seriously! There's times I've been so crippled in pain I've hobbled along on crutches. But he's the love of my life and I'd do anything to make him happy! Well, when I say anything, I do have my limits... nobody gets to share my Thornton's chocolates...not even Bailey! Besides, chocolate isn't good for dogs... what a shame.
Talking of which... we were ambling along, my four legged friend and I, approaching a girl sitting on a bench, her bike propped up against it as she took a breather. Bailey's sudden enthusiasm to greet her took us both by surprise, as he rushed up alongside her, making her jump out of her skin! Then as quick as a flash, his head darted under the crossbar of the bike and his impressively long tongue flicked forward like a Chameleon's, to swipe at a chocolate bar she had put down on the bench. I mean, I ask you, who in their right mind would unwrap a chocolate bar and put it down on a smelly old bench that's had countless bottoms on sat upon it... some undoubtedly naked judging by the remoteness of the place!
Anyway, equally as quick off the mark, she grabbed it and shoved it in her pocket, as we both gushed our apologies... her, because she said chocolate was dangerous for dogs, and me, as I explained he'd licked it and she might not want to eat it afterall. But that didn't seem to bother as she clung on to it. Needless to say, Bailey wasn't at all impressed as he dived into her pocket nosefirst to try and grab it back.
On we plodded, and I detected a very autumnal feel in the air. It doesn't seem two minutes since I planted tiny spring kisses on tight new buds. This is another of my rituals... kissing virgin buds as they emerge from the tips of stark winter twigs. They hold such promise of brighter things to come, so I thank them with little kisses, after first checking no one's looking... I might be daft, but I'm not stupid!
So I was a little surprised to see that lady autumn had put in an appearance and ushered summer out the door. She'd curled the leaves and turned their tips gold and bronze...
She'd tipped the twigs with little fuzzy acorn caps...
Swept the carpet of buttercups, leaving just a few dotted here and there...
Scattered baby conkers on the ground...
Laden down the bushes with juicy ripe Winberries...
But she's a little late plumping up the Blackberries, so it'll be mid September before Bailey goes Blackberry picking...
Seriously, Bailey goes Blackberry picking every autumn. He looks so cute as he makes his way along the edge of the woods, nibbling blackberries from the brambles with his tiny front teeth. He prefers to find them himself than feed from my hand. Well he needs his five a day! He loves his fruit and veg, and has carrots, cauliflower and broccoli with his dinner and tea every day. Oh and the odd chocolate bar... if he's lucky!
I'd like to say that no living things were harmed in the making of this blog... but I can't. Once again I forgot to take my camera on our walk, so mother nature loaned me a few of her offerings to bring back home. I hate picking wild flowers, but as buttercups are freely available I took the liberty of picking one... all the other bits and bobs were found on the ground, except the winberries which were ripe for picking, oh and the fuzzy acorns, which will never mature now, so the squirrels won't have enough food and will starve to death during the cold winter months.
*Note to self: "Remember your camera next time!"
All Round the UK - with a twist!
This Treasury lark is addictive... they should come with a warning! I made my second one this week, "All Round the UK" featuring, as the title implies, the talents of UK Etsians, but with a twist.... well, not a twist exactly,more a spiral/circle!
You can check it out here:
http://www.etsy.com/treasury_list.php?room_id=74509
I took delivery of a lovely stash of beads earlier this week and have had fun playing with them. I made my first sterling silver link wrapped bracelet with lovely deep raspberry red colour washed beads and red Czech glass flowers. I was really happy with the result.
Bracelet:
I absolutely love the beads in the earrings below. They're faux amber vintage lucite, and are so smooth with a gorgeous deep colour. Their beautiful simplicity is so striking, I didn't feel they needed anything else. I fell in love with them, so I made a pair for myself too!
Amber Lucite Earrings:
You can check it out here:
http://www.etsy.com/treasury_list.php?room_id=74509
I took delivery of a lovely stash of beads earlier this week and have had fun playing with them. I made my first sterling silver link wrapped bracelet with lovely deep raspberry red colour washed beads and red Czech glass flowers. I was really happy with the result.
Bracelet:
I absolutely love the beads in the earrings below. They're faux amber vintage lucite, and are so smooth with a gorgeous deep colour. Their beautiful simplicity is so striking, I didn't feel they needed anything else. I fell in love with them, so I made a pair for myself too!
Amber Lucite Earrings:
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